Chuck norris

I am sure that someone can come up with a good chuck norris liner on this pic. Seriously. When did he give up acting and infomercials and move to Norwich.

On the road, somewhere.
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Posted via email from zenfishing’s envisages of delightful thoughts and sorrowful realities or how I learned to love my film camera once again.

in a weird place

Don’t know quite how to explain this. I should be sad that my son is still in jail, and will be for a few years. that alone is so very depressing. But I am not sad. I am in a way, meh. Not sad, yes sad for him and sad for me not having my son being able to live his life as a young man should. But he did make the decision to drive drunk, and he pays the consequences. Glad that it is not more years. It’s going to be tough going to see him all the time, making sure he stays in contact with life and his family, but I am going to have to do that. I guess moving out west is out of the picture for now. maybe that is a good thing. But I am not depressed like I was only a few weeks ago. Lauren gets out in a month, and I will have her to talk to. and to help me get thru things. I only pray that it is “no-drama” life from now on. However, with her, I doubt it. I also doubt very much that she will be able to stay sober. she ramps herself up too much and says fuck it and will go off again. If she goes off, she goes back to jail for two years. and I will not visit her.
I’m in a weird place. not sad, yet not really happy. apprehensive? maybe. parents are getting to that age, that I have got to start thinking of not only taking care of them more, but of them passing soon. I am sure that mom will go before dad, she is not well and does not want to get better. so frustrating trying to get her to get up and move around instead of sitting and sitting. She has never been active, and so I guess it does not change. I have no idea how she walked to work all those years to Trinity. Even in the winter. no idea. I wasn’t around so I don’t know if she got rides or what. The laws of inertia apply to her big time.
so, I work, at doing nothing. I have a site that is way overdue, but I cannot come up with a design for them. nothing. it totally escapes me. Oh well. yeah, I figured out my place.

meh

yummy yummy

my friday

Oh, it was just too nice out to forego a short ride at Pachaug. There is a flower scent in the air where I parked. Nice ride too. Just going to do this every nice day, and lengthen it. And pack a lunch too! Starved!

On the road, somewhere.
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That frog at Pachaug

drivin and smilin

Thursday I saw Jed. He was doing very good. He also looked much better and more mature. Maybe he just grew up. Anyway, he told me he had gotten his prison papers and that his early release date is Nov 2012. 50% of his sentence. That made me feel so good. I am not going to count on it, but he can apply for an early release on that date. he seemed pretty up-beat too. He said his heartburn went away finally. and oh yeah, next visit may be a contact visit from now on. That is the best news ever. We had a very good hour. and I was smiling all the way home. I got home and said, wow, how did I get here? it went that fast. I did do some checking and most likely he will not get out in 2012, but probably the year after, especially if he does alot of work there. So he is already starting. Wants me to find out how much more he needs at college for his associates. and he will work towards getting his degree while in jail. That made me feel good too. Lauren is on that track as well. So maybe I can have some peace once she is out and he is out. Peace in my life, that is all I want.

And with that, my goal right now… lose another 20lbs. Do it by riding my bike. Goal of loss and riding? a bike tour. Maybe a short 3 day one, in Maine, next September. Yeah. Camping. We’ll see. Just have to get on the bike first. Oh yeah.

And, so… life is getting better. uh-huh.

My birthday present

Lauren crocheted this bag for me. I am amazed. I’ll put in a satin liner and use it! Yeah it’s yellow but washable.

On the road, somewhere.
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the day is done

well, it’s over. Jed was sentenced. a hard day, but not as bad as i had prepared for. he gave a very eloquent statement. I was proud of him. he is my little buddha. and i know he will come out of all of this as still being Jed. so with that, i am going to end this chapter. the press has already put the story on the archives, not much discussion on it, and there was no media circus there today. close the door.

Beer in a wine glass

After a somewhat oddly productive day in the personal scheme of things, what better way to finish the day.
On the road, somewhere.
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a july sunday

Went to one of Mike’s old friend’s annual party today. Avoided going last year, due to CO trip. Year before I was “ill”. Just usually do not like hanging around a patio, with NO ONE I know. I’m not one to make small talk with people I do not know. Especially now. and probably for a year after the sentencing. I did do some socializing, I was proud of myself for what I did. But I felt very uncomfortable when subject came to kids. Most of the young adults were Jed’s age, and they have families already. grand babies. what do I have? 2 kids in fucking jail. One for being stupid and driving drunk and getting into n accident. That I have to pay for with my life.
When I got home, I just quickly laid down in bed, looked out the window and it looked beautiful outside. I wondered when Jed would be able to just be able to sit and look out a window again. Without razorwire, without bars. My heart so much aches for him. It wasn’t all his fault. If the other driver had been sober, it probably would not have happened at all. I feel like I was in that car. More than a year later, I am crying. I cannot snap out of this. Maybe it will get better when I can visit him in a more normal jail. Maybe when Lauren is out of jail and able to just help me get through all of this. I don’t know. I am getting more and more depressed. Not only about all of this, but with business and the lack of. the scraping by every month to barely make it. I don’t want to continue to live like this. it is getting really old.
I do have a few things that I am going to try to snap out of my funk. I realized last month that I was not doing things that used to make me happy. Bike riding, photography, fishing. the three passions I have in life. So the first thing I am going to do is to gather all my photo stuff, the years of pictures, the equipment etc, all in one place and sort thru it and re-kindle the passion. Meanwhile I hope to be able to spare some gas every week to take my bike to the forest and do a ride. Maybe twice a week. We’ll see. I set a goal of when I get to 170lbs I’ll start shopping for a new road bike. Meantime I ride the trek, and see if I can trick out the track bike with some cheap parts. gotta see if I can somehow find Roy and see if I can get some parts off of him. we’ll see… never know.
So, yeah. sometime this week I have to go up to Granby. I am going to have to go up more often. that sucks too. yeah they are my parents. but it is so hard to just sit there. listen to them fight with each other, above the blaring TV. I so much want them to just move from there. they are so isolated. but anyway… time to sort a bag full of photos. have to find my Chinon camera also. it is proving to be elusive.
yeah.