Last year I wrote you a birthday post. You never read it I know. But it came from my heart. Maybe I had some sort of premonition that the year would bring about this fucked up scenario. Or maybe I just needed to yell to the world that you are and have been the light of my life. You will always be the light.
I wish I could hold you, I wish I could text you today saying happy birthday, and have you come over for your birthday meal. I wish I could just stop crying. I am not sure I am going to make it through today. I knew the holidays would be ok, there are others that I can be with. But today. today is the day I have feared, and it is gripping my throat right now. I want to scream and cry that you are a good person. Why did this have to happen to you. Why could I not have driven you home that night. Why could I not have taken your place. I hurt so much for you Jed. I want to take your pain away. I want someone or something to take mine away. I am just so scared of the next few months. Am I going to be able to handle the court, the sentencing, the making the rest of your life a hell on earth. I know you still blame yourself for Rex’s murder. I know you never mourned that loss. I know that for some reason, you have been on that edge for many years, that drinking pulled you back from it, temporarily. I was reading your MySpace page once, and I was very taken back by your writing there. It scared me. But I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. all my being. I want you to be whole again. I want you to be out of that hell you are in, both in body and mind.
You be good Jed.
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using the new google chrome browser for the Mac. It finally came out. It has nice themes, and one little thing that I had not noticed on the PC version, probably because it feels clumsy to use on the PC. The “new Incognito Window” . This is what it said when I opened up a new window this way
You’ve gone incognito. Pages you view in this window won’t appear in your browser history or search history, and they won’t leave other traces, like cookies, on your computer after you close the incognito window. Any files you download or bookmarks you create will be preserved, however.Going incognito doesn’t affect the behavior of other people, servers, or software. Be wary of:
- Websites that collect or share information about you
- Internet service providers or employers that track the pages you visit
- Malicious software that tracks your keystrokes in exchange for free smileys
- Surveillance by secret agents
- People standing behind you
Really weird eh? I am posting to posterous from that incognito window.
I feel so, so, invisible?
Tim hortons indulgence. Tunafish wrap, blueberry donut, coffee
Sitting waiting for daughter (so what else is new?) And putting time to good use
On the road, somewhere.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Posted via email from zenfishing’s envisionages of delightful thoughts and sorrowful realities or how I learned to love my film camera once again.
you subscribe to this lowly erratic, self-serving blog, and were wondering what was up with the posts lately, I now pretty much use posterous for all the photos I send, since I can post to posterous, flickr, facebook, and here all in one shot. Oh and my tumblr blog too, god only knows why I have a tumblr blog, but I do.
and this design is undergoing some changes. I just have to get a feel for the theme I will use first, then go and customize it up. This one I cannot figure out how to get the stupid categories wrangled up properly, and so it will be on to the next one. There is one theme I want to try called puretype, and it may be the one that works best for me. I need a wide post area to accomodate the photos. and there will be many more photos than actual blog posts. I think. maybe not. who knows. anyway, this post is exclusively for the taking a break blog, not for posterous or anything, so. hi there. welcome to my crazy ass world.
… Lauren does not have to go to “the big house” until Oct. 27. That in itself is big. Not that I will feel any better at that time, but… it should make things less emotional. ha. I was overwhelmed the past few weeks. But watch, something will happen that week, dog die, something, I just know it, that will overwhelm me again. The sending her off will be emotional, but also freeing. OH CRAP! I don’t get my vacation from her until later now. Oh well.
So I was hunting over at 123rf.com for some blog images, and saw this one. Love it.
Inspiration can be had in many places.
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