in a weird place

Don’t know quite how to explain this. I should be sad that my son is still in jail, and will be for a few years. that alone is so very depressing. But I am not sad. I am in a way, meh. Not sad, yes sad for him and sad for me not having my son being able to live his life as a young man should. But he did make the decision to drive drunk, and he pays the consequences. Glad that it is not more years. It’s going to be tough going to see him all the time, making sure he stays in contact with life and his family, but I am going to have to do that. I guess moving out west is out of the picture for now. maybe that is a good thing. But I am not depressed like I was only a few weeks ago. Lauren gets out in a month, and I will have her to talk to. and to help me get thru things. I only pray that it is “no-drama” life from now on. However, with her, I doubt it. I also doubt very much that she will be able to stay sober. she ramps herself up too much and says fuck it and will go off again. If she goes off, she goes back to jail for two years. and I will not visit her.
I’m in a weird place. not sad, yet not really happy. apprehensive? maybe. parents are getting to that age, that I have got to start thinking of not only taking care of them more, but of them passing soon. I am sure that mom will go before dad, she is not well and does not want to get better. so frustrating trying to get her to get up and move around instead of sitting and sitting. She has never been active, and so I guess it does not change. I have no idea how she walked to work all those years to Trinity. Even in the winter. no idea. I wasn’t around so I don’t know if she got rides or what. The laws of inertia apply to her big time.
so, I work, at doing nothing. I have a site that is way overdue, but I cannot come up with a design for them. nothing. it totally escapes me. Oh well. yeah, I figured out my place.

meh